Autonomic Dysfunction, Autonomic Testing, Birthday, Blood Pressure, Cake, Daffodils, Doctors, Dysautonomia, EDS, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Flow, Health, Heart rate, Medication, Mindfulness, Party, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, POTS, Refocus, Tilt Table Test
Being the month of love, February has thrown up an unconventional kind of date – I now know the precise time of my hospital stay. I will be admitted towards the end of March for four days and discharged the day before my twenty-third birthday.
When something looms, like a lot of people my natural instinct is to plan and prepare, but to also subconsciously worry.
I have however learnt something in this particular process of waiting. The age old mantra that you shouldn’t worry about things you can’t control has never rung so true. I have tried before to go with the proverbial flow, but found that the ‘what ifs’ always managed to weigh heavier than the ‘so what’s?’
In hospital I will be having further autonomic testing for my POTS. These tests include tilt-table tests, where you are strapped to a board and tilted upright in an attempt to bring about symptoms. The heart rate and blood pressure are monitored throughout, and potential triggers are applied to see if any particular circumstances significantly affect HR or BP, such as the cold, using the limbs, or digesting food. The reality of these tests is that they are uncomfortable, as I learnt before.
Concerns about these tests and trying new medication add to my stress levels, but I’ve learnt that worrying about all of this is making me exhausted, right now. I have been focusing too much on what might happen, and bypassing the present. In other words, I’m missing out.
The truth is that I can’t control what happens to me in hospital, and other than put my faith in the hands of the incredible doctors there’s nothing useful I can do about it right now.
Instead I’m refocusing. Last year I didn’t really celebrate my birthday, and this year have decided to mark the occasion in some form. I’m going to plan and prepare; I want to visualise a room full of my nearest and dearest, a gluten free cake topped with edible glitter and candles, a vase full of daffodils – the flower I associate with my birthday. These images are much more nourishing to the soul than visions of hospital beds and a tilting table!
Onwards and upwards.